Setting Limits

richard.kuhlenschmidt@famundo.com (Richard Kuhlenschmidt) — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:08:00 -0500

As our children get older, setting limits on their activities becomes a bigger challenge. Peer pressure comes into the picture in a big way. I’m sure you all heard about how “Johnny’s parents let him watch PG-13 movies” or “All the other kids in the class are using Instant Messaging, why can’t I?”

Our school has come up with what I think is a very satisfactory and workable solution. At the beginning of each year, we have a parent meeting where issues like this are discussed. We then establish a set of limits as a class on what we will allow and will not allow our children to do, with an emphasis on viewing certain activities as privileges that might come with maturity and responsible behavior. With this perspective, children can be informed about which activities the group agreed not to indulge in “for now” and which activities “can wait”. We call it the “Parent Covenant.”

It makes a very powerful statement when you can say that the parents in the class have decided this as a group. It also provides easier, more influential language when, for example, a 14 year old wants to watch an “R” rated movie with friends, it might be easier for the parent to say, “I don’t think we need to go there for now; I think we can wait on that.”

Examples of some of the Covenants we decided this year include:

No internet use during play dates

No parties with more than Â¼ of the class unless the entire class (boys or girls) are invited.

Playdates with the same 2-3 children are discouraged

No Instant Messaging

A parent will call other parents if a movie is being watched during a playdate to make sure this is an acceptable movie.

Of course, these limits will vary depending on the grade level. Surprisingly, almost every parent agrees to this Covenant.

I have heard that other schools have similar practices. One local high school that I know of has a list of parents on their web site that have pledged that they will not allow parties at their home without adult supervision. Another school has parents sign an agreement not to allow alcohol at high school parties. This way, if your child is going to a party, you can look up the family to see if they are on the list.

The Famundo Blog: Setting Limits

Setting Limits